goodbye
by madhatter48
Summary: songfic to this aint a love song by scouting for girls. Its time to say goodbye, but to who? rated t for language  like 2 words


**Random story based on a song that came up on shuffle, i luv this song at the mo..!**

**Disclaimer- in my little dreams!**

Song: this ain't a love song by scouting for girls.

_Every night I remember that evening  
The way you looked when you said you were leaving  
The way you cried as you turned to walk away  
The cruel words and the false accusations  
The mean looks and the same old frustrations  
I never thought that we'd throw it all away  
But we threw it all away_

I still remember it when Jane had told me I could trust him. I did believe him, well mostly, there was still the Red John problem. He still pulled his pranks but if he stopped doing that I would have been worried. The Red John problem niggled away at the back of my mind but unless it was one of his cases I didn't worry about it.

I remember when I hypnotised her when she was being accused of murder. She seemed so vulnerable, her tears showed that she was wearing a mask to work but it felt good to know that I'm not the only one. She told me to leave and regretfully I did but I did let her know that I would be there for her.

He is so frustrating. The amount of lawsuits he piles on my desk. I wouldn't complain as much if he let me know he was going to do something stupid then I could repair any problems with families. When he doesn't tell me and it goes wrong it just makes me look incompetent. I'm senior agent Teresa Lisbon I can control Jane, well sort of. I still can't believe he did it though.

_And I'm a little bit lost without you  
And I'm a bloody big mess inside  
And I'm a little bit lost without you  
This aint a love song this is goodbye (oooooh)  
This aint a love song this is goodbye (ooooh)_

I think I've lost her. I shouldn't have done it really. I've messed up big time. I guess all that's left is to say goodbye at the trial.

We're all dealing with a loss now. I'll have to say goodbye but I don't think I can see him the same way. It's broken my heart, I could tell he was just as shocked as I was. He looked like an excited puppy afterwards, we all just stared at him like he had grown an extra head.

_I've been lost, I've been losing  
I've been tired, I'm all hurt and confusion  
I've been mad, I'm the kind of man that I'm not  
I'm going down, I'll be coming back fighting  
I may be scared and a little bit frightened  
But I'll be back, I'll be coming back to life  
I'll be coming back to life_

I realised where I was going wrong. I've lost everything, or so I thought. Red John consumed me, I got over the main bit after my stay in hospital but there was still a niggling feeling. I couldn't move on until I had found him, killed him even. I wasn't acting right, it got better after I joined the CBI. Lisbon helped me out, understood. She has done even more make me normal again than she realises.

I'm scared. How do I face him at the trial? It could all go horribly wrong, is there enough evidence? Will he get away? He will fight but only the best defense lawyer will get him off, practically impossible.

_And I'm a little bit lost without you  
And I'm a bloody big mess inside  
And I'm a little bit lost without you  
This aint a love song this is goodbye (oooooh)  
This aint a love song this is goodbye (ooooh)_

I need to let go. I have, almost. Once the trial is over I can completely move on with whatever is left of my life. Lisbon will be teary, possibly, or she will put on her mask and break down at home. I hope she lets someone in or she will explode with hidden emotions.

_Whoooo  
And you can try (you can try)  
And you can try but you'll never keep me down  
And you can try (you can try)  
And you can try but you'll never keep me down_

La la la la la la la  
(I wont be lost, i wont be down)

He can try but he is not my problem anymore. The trial went well, I guess. Depends whose opinion you take. I'm not lost anymore, I understand what's going to happen now, I hope.

_And I'm a little bit lost without you  
And I'm a bloody big mess inside  
This ain't a love song this is goodbye_

It's alright (It's alright) cause you can try but you'll never keep me down  
It's alright (It's alright) I may be lost but you'll never keep me down  
You can try (you can try) you can try but you'll never keep me down  
You cant try (you can try) I know i'm lost but I'm waiting to be found  
you'll never keep me down  
you'll never keep me down  
never keep me down

Well you could say I'm lost without you. I now can do whatever I like without fear. Maybe Lisbon will forgive me for all my mistakes. I still can't believe this ending, I thought it was kill Red John or be killed by him. Not in a million years would I have thought it would be Cho who would arrest him. I just stood there, Lisbon looked at me warily like I was a bomb about to go off. She did have good reason I guess.

Yes! Red John is getting the death penalty. Jane looked like a confused cat that got the cream. I suppose he thought he would kill him not the justice system. Red John, you made our lives hell. You deserve to get the death penalty you sick son of a bitch. I guess this is goodbye then.

Red John, you are evil. You kill for no apparent reason, you took away what I loved. You also made me realize I can love again. Maybe this time I won't throw it away. I'm saying goodbye to a bit of my past that I won't forget but won't dwell on anymore.


End file.
